It is said that we can choose our friends but not our family. This is true but the implication is that the situation is fixed. Unchangeable. Unworkable. Well, sometimes it is. But often, there are family members who are worth making a lot of effort for. Every family has it’s own style, it’s own culture, it’s own dynamics or way of functioning. Sometimes it’s a way the client has to learn to unlearn. Sometimes the client can do it WITH someone else from the family.
We can actively choose how we interact with our family as a whole and with individuals within the family. Familial relationships can be transformed by transforming ourselves, i.e. our behavior toward them.
I have over two decades of experience working as a family therapist and have helped many different families with deal difficult dysfunctions. Any improvement of any system; inner, outer, familial, has to start with an honest assessment. Together, your family members and I will discuss the presenting issues and see if or deeper underlying issues are mobilizing the current problems. Members of a family must learn to, to listen to each other, to recognize each other’s needs and to develop appropriate ways to respond.
There is always a family story. And the story is different depending on who’s telling it. I listen to every version and try to help each person, sometimes two at a time, to see his or her story from another’s perspective I ask those present to tell me what they think the other, who is not there, would say about some issue. Then I find out what that person really has to say, etc. It can be very surprising, or rewarding, or predictable…but it will change the whole family if even only one or two people see things differently and behave differently.
This is not a very short process, but in time it will change the whole family in a positive way. I will understand each of the individual conflicts and conflicting wills your family members have as well as the overarching issues that directly impact your entire family. Throughout this process, I will provide a safe zone in which your family will learn to openly discuss issues and learn how to problem solve. There are no magic wands. Some people have no interest in changing anything. But every person who is interested in growing and changing, will learn how to be in a healthy family unit.
If you are looking for an excellent family therapist who understands the nuances of family therapy, I am here for your family. To find out more information about my family therapy services, please contact me.