Each one of us needs to be seen, valued and understood. We cannot show others how to do that if we haven't been able to do it for ourselves. In everything from how we want to be treated at work, to how we want to be touched in bed, we ourselves are responsible for what we get in any given situation. If we are not getting what we want or need, we must ask for it. We must learn to say "no" to what we don't want.
Easy to say, not so easy to do. But it can be done. I have helped many people learn to do it. I listen, see and understand each person.
It always comes down to what one has learned to do for oneself, against oneself, and how one has learned to treat others. Much of therapy is getting new information and learning new ways to act on it.